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Getting old is like the metaphorical car
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Single celled amoebas are really small
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I just finished reading an excellent book, the actors did a fantastic job
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If you rock the boat your friends might slap you with the oars
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My car has died, but at least i dont have to pay for a funeral.
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The world makes money go round
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When your mind is racing, wear a helmet
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How to improve your golf swing
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I am buying my time, how does £1000 sound?
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Back in the day before it got dark.
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Did you know that lions like to sleep?
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I’m getting too old for this retirement lark
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The warrior within failed to show up
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Sometimes bull shit takes over
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Very funny Lee Evans instrument mime
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I have the power to move mountains, on a map
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How to deal with bad customers
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If i could be anyone for a day it would be doctor who
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Anything you do say will be used against you in this relationship
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If i was ten years younger, i would be under age
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Are you in touch with your inner gorilla?
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If life gives you lemons, demand a refund because you ordered limes
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How many light bulbs do it take to change a light bulb
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I am getting crazy in here, let me out of this mental institution.
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Wow, i genuinely didn’t know that pigs can fly.
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Cantankerous is an ancient Roman name
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Does this top make my ass look fat
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My bone is broken in three places
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Alec Baldwin talks about his Team America character
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Don’t get me wrong, i love her dearly but sometimes…
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I went to the shop after hours, but it was closed.
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Does a fish swim in the water?
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The town was very busy today, especially when i went in on the wrong side.
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What do you say to a woman who is doing her nails?
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Your eyes are feeling very heavy so go to bed
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If you cant sing then try not to speak
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Funny pottery video, Johnny Vegas
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The sun is up and down like a bloody yoyo
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A question for the oil companies, Mr oil to be specific
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I got myself locked up to escape from my wife.
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My flight was cancelled so i got the bus
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I caught the train but it broke my hand
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When half of your hair is sitting on the table You are probably a bit stressed.
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Recent scientific studies report that monkeys like to climb trees.
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How to have your cake and eat it
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What did the guy say to the bar tender?
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I went to the zoo because i like wild animals.
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Day becomes night, and night becomes another f**king work day
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I hate everything to do with being good
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Religion is so not rock and roll
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Pandora’s box is full of Christmas goodies
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Once there was a man from the city
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If only i had accepted that deal
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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How to find out who ate your pickled onion
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I like to create masterpieces from great masterpieces
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If you have no life, you might live longer
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Space invaders are a real pain
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Why is my life so dark and dreary?
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Totally cheesy fight scene, hilarious
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Every silver lining has a Thor ruining someone’s day
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Lend me your ear, i promise i’ll give it back
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A cliche a day keeps common sense at bay
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