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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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I like to go treasure hunting, it keeps me honest
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To avoid getting robbed, lock your doors
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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Do not shout at me, i am delicate
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Language cross references, funny named places
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All those who aren’t present put your hands up
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It has recently come to my attention that discrimination needs to be quarantined.
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Give it a rest with the lullabies already, i cant get to sleep
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I put my blood, sweat and tears into that soup
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I am a man of leisure, as soon as i finish from work
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It is nothing personal, just business
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Does it ever occur to you that we are here.
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How to make the perfect coffee
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I was born with a wooden spoon up my arse
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Dont put all of your eggs in one backet
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Pet hates usually cover anything but your actual pets
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Stop it, your driving me over the edge
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I was walking my pet lion today
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Book review of the novel, story of my life.
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You are always picking my brain
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Funny pottery video, Johnny Vegas
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You have made your bed now jump on it
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I have the power to move mountains, on a map
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My flight was cancelled so i got the bus
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Get the tea on, don’t forget the vodka
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Are you in touch with your inner gorilla?
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The Amazing Lyrebird of Australia – Unseen Footage
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Now everyone likes to see videos of cute little dogs
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Frodo is going through a strange transition
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Harry potter spoof, the Hogwarts hangover (18+)
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The things people do to look cool
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Lamp that fool, put him into the darkness
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My name is Richard and i am addicted to laughter
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My fish and chips are undercooked, the haddock swam off the plate
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I am on the train to nowhere because the bugger broke down
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Religion is so not rock and roll
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My speech impediment, i never shut up
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I have a mac, it is yellow and is great in the rain
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It’s never too late, i mean ask this old codger
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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I bought an apple, i kept it in my mac. But i crushed it in the hard drive home.
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The bartender really doesn’t like you
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Don’t you think it’s cool how all monkeys look like king kong?
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How to make freshly squeezed lemon juice
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How to find out who ate your pickled onion
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If life gives you lemons, buy tequila
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I am currently studying at the university of life
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Single celled amoebas are really small
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Cheesy jokes taste just like chicken
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When your mind is racing, wear a helmet
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I am impossible, stop dreaming about me.
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The royal mint is only open after eight
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There is a chicken from kentucky
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The problem with locking people up and throwing away the key
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If you rock the boat your friends might slap you with the oars
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OMG this stress free life is doing my head in.
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If you see a big puddle, walk around it. No heroics or you will be trippin’ head first
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Seize the day, forget last night
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A cliche a day keeps common sense at bay
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Will all of the world leaders follow me please
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