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I was walking my pet lion today
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I have no idea what you are saying.
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I have got something to show you
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If life gives you lemons, demand a refund because you ordered limes
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Lenny Henry live at the apollo
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Caution, this vehicle is reversing, get out of the bloody way
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I am on the train to nowhere because the bugger broke down
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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I am a man of leisure, as soon as i finish from work
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The city that never sleeps, zzzzzzz
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A rhino charged me today, i almost fell out of my seat.
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Rabbits eat vegetables, men eat rabbits
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What do you say to a woman who is doing her nails?
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Someone suggested i take anger management classes, he wont be saying that again
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I’m getting too old for this retirement lark
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My car has died, but at least i dont have to pay for a funeral.
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My speech impediment, i never shut up
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Day becomes night, and night becomes another f**king work day
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I don’t know what to say, but i’ll say it anyway
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I have a mac, it is yellow and is great in the rain
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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What did the cat say to the carrot?
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Ever heard of the Albino skunk?
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The server crashed. OMG i hope he’s ok. As you can clearly see, i like to talk.
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What is bright and at the end of the tunnel
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The male chauvanist vs feminist
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They took everything but the shirt off my back
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I want to watch paint dry, roll on the fun
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If you see a big puddle, walk around it. No heroics or you will be trippin’ head first
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Wow, i genuinely didn’t know that pigs can fly.
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Getting old is like the metaphorical car
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Video of Tim Minchin getting serious about prejudice
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I wanted to see if i could fly so i jumped off the pavement
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The sun is up and down like a bloody yoyo
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Does this top make my ass look fat
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If you cant sing then try not to speak
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Johnny Vegas gets shouted down
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Today i woke up with my eyes wide open, last night i went to sleep with my eyes wide shut
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My bone is broken in three places
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I caught the train but it broke my hand
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I like cars, i like to ride them down the hill.
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If you buy your wife the wrong flowers
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It’s never too late, i mean ask this old codger
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I understand that you have been talking about me.
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The taxi is early, hurry time is money
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If life gives you lemons, buy tequila
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Opening scene from Team America world police
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Proof that footballers don’t have legs
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Will all of the world leaders follow me please
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Cheese makes the world go round
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I just finished reading an excellent book, the actors did a fantastic job
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but why when words are so much more effective
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I think it’s great how trains choo choo
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I will sweep you off your feet
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I ordered breakfast in bed for two
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I hate songs that just repeat the same one line vocals
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One of my comedy silent movies
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The bartender really doesn’t like you
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Happy birthday songs are not always happy
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Don’t you think it’s cool how all monkeys look like king kong?
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I have no idea why you are here.
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We should fight for clowns rights, put a smile on their face.
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Mind boggling literature, read more
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