After a shave apply plasters
And it helps not to drink too much the night before
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If i was ten years younger, i would be under age
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What do you do when you fall over?
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Once there was a man from the city
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The warrior within failed to show up
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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The world wide web, got those spiders must be huge
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Keep your friends close and your enemies in a little box
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How many women do it take to change a light bulb?
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They took everything but the shirt off my back
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Ever been caught naked on the lawn?
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The city that never sleeps, zzzzzzz
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Ever heard of the chainsaw healer?
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Mmm, i love drinking coffee before bed
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If life gives you lemons, demand a refund because you ordered limes
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Do not forget why you are here
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When your mind is racing, wear a helmet
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The things people do to look cool
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If only i had accepted that deal
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I caught the train but it broke my hand
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I will sweep you off your feet
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Get something special for your birthday
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I am a man of leisure, as soon as i finish from work
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I think they’re an odd looking pair of socks
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I cant believe monkeys are so hairy
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I am getting crazy in here, let me out of this mental institution.
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I wanted to get the word out so i told my friends to keep it secret.
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Cheese makes the world go round
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I was born with a wooden spoon up my arse
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I like cars, i like to ride them down the hill.
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If i had a nice car i would be very surprised
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Funny Lenny Henry stand up sketch
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How to clean your car properly
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I like playing jazz music to people who hate coffee shops
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Did you know that lions like to sleep?
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If you cant sing then try not to speak
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How to have your cake and eat it
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What to do when you spill coffee over your computer
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Harry potter spoof, the Hogwarts hangover (18+)
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Waiter, there is a hare in my stew.
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I put my blood, sweat and tears into that soup
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How to find out who ate your pickled onion
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Again, i didn’t quite catch that.
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Cantankerous is an ancient Roman name
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This bill is far too high, he should not have smoked the whole joint
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Joe bloggs has written something on my facebook wall
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The bogey man is coming to get you
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I’ve just gone into business with a monkey
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Now everybody loves to see videos of people hurting themselves
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Stop it, your driving me over the edge
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Rabbits eat vegetables, men eat rabbits
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Happy birthday songs are not always happy
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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Pet hates usually cover anything but your actual pets
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My name is Richard and i am addicted to laughter
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I bought an apple, i kept it in my mac. But i crushed it in the hard drive home.
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If i could be anyone for a day it would be doctor who
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I went to the zoo because i like wild animals.
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If you moved any slower you would go back in time
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Don’t get me wrong, i love her dearly but sometimes…
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How many light bulbs do it take to change a light bulb
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