For the ladies
Hi, wink.
Nice to meet you.
Your hair looks great, OMG how did you achieve that amazing colour.
Those nails look sharp, better not upset you eh. te he, he he 
Lets meet up over mochachino and flirt.
Mwah!!!
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If life gives you lemons, buy tequila
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An ocean of grass, right which one of you flooded the field?
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I am a man of leisure, as soon as i finish from work
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Your eyes are feeling very heavy so go to bed
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Getting old is like the metaphorical car
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People in love are very good landscapers
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Ever heard of the chainsaw healer?
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Lamp that fool, put him into the darkness
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Love thy neighbour, i mean she is hot
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The sun is up and down like a bloody yoyo
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I like food, perhaps a bit too much
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I have no idea why you are here.
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I went to the zoo because i like wild animals.
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How to take care of your computer
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OMG this stress free life is doing my head in.
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I am currently studying at the university of life
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I wanted to get the word out so i told my friends to keep it secret.
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If life gives you a kick in the teeth, go to a dentist
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When half of your hair is sitting on the table You are probably a bit stressed.
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There is a chicken from kentucky
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How to have your cake and eat it
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Don’t get me wrong, i love her dearly but sometimes…
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I have the power to move mountains, on a map
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A cliche a day keeps common sense at bay
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If only i had accepted that deal
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I went to the woods today, it gifts clarity.
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Why is my life so dark and dreary?
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The problem with locking people up and throwing away the key
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I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me of hypochondria, but didn’t suggest any meds.
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Funny scene from Shaolin soccer
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I hate songs that just repeat the same one line vocals
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The warrior within failed to show up
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Individualism is the plague of society
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We should fight for clowns rights, put a smile on their face.
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Dont put all of your eggs in one backet
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets will surely kill me
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Wow, the sun is so bright tonight
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Caution, this vehicle is reversing, get out of the bloody way
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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The royal mint is only open after eight
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It is nothing personal, just business
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Space invaders are a real pain
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The city that never sleeps, zzzzzzz
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I caught the train but it broke my hand
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What do you say to a woman who is doing her nails?
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Day becomes night, and night becomes another f**king work day
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My speech impediment, i never shut up
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Get the tea on, don’t forget the vodka
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I ordered breakfast in bed for two
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Don’t you think it’s cool how all monkeys look like king kong?
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I bought an apple, i kept it in my mac. But i crushed it in the hard drive home.
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The male chauvanist vs feminist
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One of my comedy silent movies
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Johnny Vegas gets shouted down
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He woke up, it had all been a dream
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This guy seriously needs a beer.
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Today i woke up with my eyes wide open, last night i went to sleep with my eyes wide shut
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Funny Tracy Morgan interview for time magazine.
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My car has died, but at least i dont have to pay for a funeral.
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If the prime minister refused to resign would that make him a dictator or an a-hole
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but why when words are so much more effective
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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I don’t know what to say, but i’ll say it anyway
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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The things people do to look cool
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Mmm, i love drinking coffee before bed
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Drop me a line, i’m stuck down here
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I love playing my guitar, the open G gives the best sound
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