How to scramble an orange
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I’ve just gone into business with a monkey
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My name is Richard and i am addicted to laughter
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I like cars, i like to ride them down the hill.
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A question for the oil companies, Mr oil to be specific
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One of my comedy silent movies
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Keep your friends close and your enemies in a little box
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Dont put all of your eggs in one backet
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Back in the day before it got dark.
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Now listen, i will only say this once
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I will sweep you off your feet
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Does this top make my ass look fat
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Cheese makes the world go round
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Space invaders are a real pain
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Ever been caught naked on the lawn?
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I was born with a guitar in my hand
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I wanted to see if i could fly so i jumped off the pavement
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My car has died, but at least i dont have to pay for a funeral.
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Drop me a line, i’m stuck down here
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I went to the zoo because i like wild animals.
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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When people dangle the carrot on the end of the stick they make a mistake, i hate carrots
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If only i had accepted that deal
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Don’t get me wrong, i love her dearly but sometimes…
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I don’t know what to say, but i’ll say it anyway
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets will surely kill me
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It is nothing personal, just business
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Pet hates usually cover anything but your actual pets
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What did the guy say to the bar tender?
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My flight was cancelled so i got the bus
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Hay fever is popping round to say hello
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Team America – love scene (18+)
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I am on the train to nowhere because the bugger broke down
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I like to create masterpieces from great masterpieces
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Recent scientific studies report that monkeys like to climb trees.
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Do you hear what i wrote on the wall
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Individualism is the plague of society
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I caught the train but it broke my hand
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I cant understand a single word the milk daddy says
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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Every silver lining has a Thor ruining someone’s day
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I cant believe monkeys are so hairy
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The bogey man is coming to get you
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Wow, i genuinely didn’t know that pigs can fly.
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Top three ways to get a girls attention
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Very funny Lee Evans instrument mime
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When half of your hair is sitting on the table You are probably a bit stressed.
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If i could be anyone for a day it would be doctor who
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Sunrises don’t set, they do if you’re painting them
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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I am impossible, stop dreaming about me.
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I’m getting too old for this retirement lark
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Once there was a man from the city
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I understand that you have been talking about me.
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Today i woke up with my eyes wide open, last night i went to sleep with my eyes wide shut
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I am a chain smoker, aluminium is the best
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Apples are good for your health, do not go near them
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Haiku’s can be deeply funny y’all.
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A rhino charged me today, i almost fell out of my seat.
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Now everyone likes to see videos of cute little dogs
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Give it a rest with the lullabies already, i cant get to sleep
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Someone suggested i take anger management classes, he wont be saying that again
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I bought an apple, i kept it in my mac. But i crushed it in the hard drive home.
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You are always picking my brain
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Johnny Vegas gets shouted down
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