I am consistently random
Well if you don’t get that one then there is clearly something wrong with the world. lol
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Today i woke up with my eyes wide open, last night i went to sleep with my eyes wide shut
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Don’t you think it’s cool how all monkeys look like king kong?
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I wanted to see if i could fly so i jumped off the pavement
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My head it just stopped bloody growing
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How many light bulbs do it take to change a light bulb
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Reverse psychology never works
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Now everybody loves to see videos of people hurting themselves
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I like playing jazz music to people who hate coffee shops
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Day becomes night, and night becomes another f**king work day
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I have a mac, it is yellow and is great in the rain
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I’ve just gone into business with a monkey
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Every silver lining has a Thor ruining someone’s day
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I don’t know what to say, but i’ll say it anyway
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What is bright and at the end of the tunnel
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If you see a big puddle, walk around it. No heroics or you will be trippin’ head first
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To avoid getting robbed, lock your doors
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Funny post it stop motion video.
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Mind boggling literature, read more
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Someone suggested i take anger management classes, he wont be saying that again
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I am buying my time, how does £1000 sound?
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What to do when you spill coffee over your computer
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I have no idea why you are here.
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My bone is broken in three places
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A question for the oil companies, Mr oil to be specific
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Seize the day, forget last night
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What do you do when you fall over?
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Power walks are great when you are late
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The town was very busy today, especially when i went in on the wrong side.
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When half of your hair is sitting on the table You are probably a bit stressed.
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That punch has got a really strong kick
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A bit of wisdom from wise ol’ richie
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Mmm, i love drinking coffee before bed
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Recent scientific studies report that monkeys like to climb trees.
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Lamp that fool, put him into the darkness
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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If you rock the boat your friends might slap you with the oars
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Back in the day before it got dark.
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Why is my life so dark and dreary?
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Man orders blue steak but it jumps off the plate and walks away
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I went to the zoo because i like wild animals.
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This update is like a birthday card
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but why when words are so much more effective
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Anything you do say will be used against you in this relationship
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I am getting crazy in here, let me out of this mental institution.
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The sun is up and down like a bloody yoyo
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Ever heard of the Albino skunk?
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Haiku’s can be deeply funny y’all.
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They took everything but the shirt off my back
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Gandalf goes to the world cup, video by pistol shrimps
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All men are pigs, all women are farmers
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There is a chicken from kentucky
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My fish and chips are undercooked, the haddock swam off the plate
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First to the finish line is a rotten egg
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I love playing my guitar, the open G gives the best sound
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Pandora’s box is full of Christmas goodies
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Wow, that theory on copper mining is so deep
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If the prime minister refused to resign would that make him a dictator or an a-hole
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I was walking my pet lion today
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Funny Lenny Henry stand up sketch
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Rabbits eat vegetables, men eat rabbits
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What do you say to a woman who is doing her nails?
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If only i had accepted that deal
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How to find out who ate your pickled onion
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The biggest oversight by law enforcement.
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Always look on the bright side of life, the alternative is crap
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If life gives you chocolate, eat it
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All those who aren’t present put your hands up
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The car broke down, it’s hit the wall.
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Religion is so not rock and roll
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