If life gives you lemons, buy tequila
Though i urge you to drink responsibly
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If you moved any slower you would go back in time
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I am a chain smoker, aluminium is the best
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Waiter, there is a hare in my stew.
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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The funniest joke in the world
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Johnny Vegas gets shouted down
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That punch has got a really strong kick
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My speech impediment, i never shut up
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Welcome to the nonsense factory
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Video guaranteed to make you smile
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How many women do it take to change a light bulb?
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My fish and chips are undercooked, the haddock swam off the plate
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Every silver lining has a Thor ruining someone’s day
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If you have no life, you might live longer
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Again, i didn’t quite catch that.
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If i had just one wish i would wish for another one.
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Drop me a line, i’m stuck down here
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Pandora’s box is full of Christmas goodies
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I was named after a great leader of men, they call me Barbara.
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Ever been caught naked on the lawn?
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I was born with a guitar in my hand
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I like moshing to songs of praise
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How long is a piece of string?
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Alec Baldwin talks about his Team America character
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I want to watch paint dry, roll on the fun
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An ocean of grass, right which one of you flooded the field?
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Video of Tim Minchin getting serious about prejudice
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I am getting crazy in here, let me out of this mental institution.
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The bartender really doesn’t like you
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The biggest oversight by law enforcement.
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What did the guy say to the bar tender?
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People in love are very good landscapers
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This bill is far too high, he should not have smoked the whole joint
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The server crashed. OMG i hope he’s ok. As you can clearly see, i like to talk.
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What is bright and at the end of the tunnel
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Recent scientific studies report that monkeys like to climb trees.
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I went to the woods today, it gifts clarity.
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I like cars, i like to ride them down the hill.
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Team America – love scene (18+)
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Which super hero would you be?
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Get the tea on, don’t forget the vodka
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Do you hear what i wrote on the wall
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets will surely kill me
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You have made your bed now jump on it
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How to improve your golf swing
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I went to the shop after hours, but it was closed.
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All those who aren’t present put your hands up
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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First to the finish line is a rotten egg
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Day becomes night, and night becomes another f**king work day
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Did you know that lions like to sleep?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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If life gives you lemons, demand a refund because you ordered limes
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My flight was cancelled so i got the bus
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I think it’s great how trains choo choo
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OMG this stress free life is doing my head in.
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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Sunrises don’t set, they do if you’re painting them
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I like playing jazz music to people who hate coffee shops
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I’d like to tell you a yolk about eggs
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Cheesy jokes taste just like chicken
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I hate songs that just repeat the same one line vocals
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