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I’ve just gone into business with a monkey
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How many women do it take to change a light bulb?
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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Day becomes night, and night becomes another f**king work day
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Today i woke up with my eyes wide open, last night i went to sleep with my eyes wide shut
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I like food, perhaps a bit too much
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Why is my life so dark and dreary?
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I have no idea why you are here.
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Pet hates usually cover anything but your actual pets
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Don’t you think it’s cool how all monkeys look like king kong?
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Do not shout at me, i am delicate
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Mmm, i love drinking coffee before bed
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Waiter, there is a hare in my stew.
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If you moved any slower you would go back in time
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All those who aren’t present put your hands up
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If life gives you lemons, buy tequila
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First to the finish line is a rotten egg
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets will surely kill me
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I’m getting too old for this retirement lark
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The Amazing Lyrebird of Australia – Unseen Footage
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Ever been caught naked on the lawn?
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I put my blood, sweat and tears into that soup
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Public speech entitled, i am a recluse
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That punch has got a really strong kick
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If life gives you a kick in the teeth, go to a dentist
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Wow, i genuinely didn’t know that pigs can fly.
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I know a great game called 52 card pick up
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My head it just stopped bloody growing
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I like cars, i like to ride them down the hill.
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My car has died, but at least i dont have to pay for a funeral.
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Now everyone likes to see videos of cute little dogs
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The biggest oversight by law enforcement.
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I hate everything to do with being good
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To avoid getting robbed, lock your doors
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If the prime minister refused to resign would that make him a dictator or an a-hole
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Sunrises don’t set, they do if you’re painting them
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Ever heard of the chainsaw healer?
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Proof that footballers don’t have legs
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When talking to a woman it is rude to stare at her boobs.
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I am currently studying at the university of life
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I am impossible, stop dreaming about me.
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The bartender really doesn’t like you
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The town was very busy today, especially when i went in on the wrong side.
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If life gives you chocolate, eat it
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Funny post it stop motion video.
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My speech impediment, i never shut up
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Are you in touch with your inner gorilla?
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Recent scientific studies report that monkeys like to climb trees.
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The funniest joke in the world
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Keep your friends close and your enemies in a little box
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The lord giveth, but wants it back with interest.
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When your mind is racing, wear a helmet
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I love playing my guitar, the open G gives the best sound
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Individualism is the plague of society
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He woke up, it had all been a dream
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I have a mac, it is yellow and is great in the rain
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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I do not understand your sense of humour
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Religion is so not rock and roll
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I am a chain smoker, aluminium is the best
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