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Lend me your ear, i promise i’ll give it back
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I hate songs that just repeat the same one line vocals
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If you moved any slower you would go back in time
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If life gives you chocolate, eat it
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If i could be anyone for a day it would be doctor who
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That punch has got a really strong kick
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How to clean your car properly
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My name is Richard and i am addicted to laughter
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Now listen, i will only say this once
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If i was ten years younger, i would be under age
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I cant understand a single word the milk daddy says
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I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me of hypochondria, but didn’t suggest any meds.
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I was named after a great leader of men, they call me Barbara.
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My car has died, but at least i dont have to pay for a funeral.
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My speech impediment, i never shut up
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Johnny Vegas gets shouted down
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I like cars, i like to ride them down the hill.
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They took everything but the shirt off my back
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I think it’s great how trains choo choo
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Happy birthday songs are not always happy
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I’d like to tell you a yolk about eggs
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How to take care of your computer
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A chicken a day keeps the bullies at bay
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Funny Tracy Morgan interview for time magazine.
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I am a man of leisure, as soon as i finish from work
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Very funny Lee Evans instrument mime
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If i had just one wish i would wish for another one.
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I bought an apple, i kept it in my mac. But i crushed it in the hard drive home.
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I am buying my time, how does £1000 sound?
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I am a chain smoker, aluminium is the best
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A builder goes to the doctor with complaints of pain from passing bricks.
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My head it just stopped bloody growing
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I am really struggling to understand the etymology of the human race
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If the prime minister refused to resign would that make him a dictator or an a-hole
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You are always picking my brain
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Anything you do say will be used against you in this relationship
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We should fight for clowns rights, put a smile on their face.
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It’s never too late, i mean ask this old codger
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I cant believe monkeys are so hairy
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Book review of the novel titled empty pages
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OMG this stress free life is doing my head in.
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Someone suggested i take anger management classes, he wont be saying that again
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Power walks are great when you are late
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Drop me a line, i’m stuck down here
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All men are pigs, all women are farmers
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Your eyes are feeling very heavy so go to bed
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I have got something to show you
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The town was very busy today, especially when i went in on the wrong side.
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The bogey man is coming to get you
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He woke up, it had all been a dream
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Do not shout at me, i am delicate
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I’ve just gone into business with a monkey
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Get the tea on, don’t forget the vodka
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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When people dangle the carrot on the end of the stick they make a mistake, i hate carrots
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Which super hero would you be?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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An ocean of grass, right which one of you flooded the field?
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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The car broke down, it’s hit the wall.
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