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If life gives you a kick in the teeth, go to a dentist
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I am one sandwich short of an afternoon tea
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I like food, perhaps a bit too much
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I think it’s great how trains choo choo
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Happy birthday songs are not always happy
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I have a mac, it is yellow and is great in the rain
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but why when words are so much more effective
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I like moshing to songs of praise
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Totally cheesy fight scene, hilarious
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Don’t get me wrong, i love her dearly but sometimes…
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Do you hear what i wrote on the wall
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Cantankerous is an ancient Roman name
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Did you know that lions like to sleep?
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Peace is hard to find when shit keeps going wrong
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They took everything but the shirt off my back
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The warrior within failed to show up
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Proof that footballers don’t have legs
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I am on the train to nowhere because the bugger broke down
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I have no idea why you are here.
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I think they’re an odd looking pair of socks
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A bit of wisdom from wise ol’ richie
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I have the power to move mountains, on a map
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Anything you do say will be used against you in this relationship
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If i had just one wish i would wish for another one.
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If i could be anyone for a day it would be doctor who
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I wanted to see if i could fly so i jumped off the pavement
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The city that never sleeps, zzzzzzz
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One step forward two steps back.
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The problem with locking people up and throwing away the key
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Rabbits eat vegetables, men eat rabbits
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Someone suggested i take anger management classes, he wont be saying that again
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Language cross references, funny named places
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My bone is broken in three places
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All those who aren’t present put your hands up
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets will surely kill me
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Apples are good for your health, do not go near them
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Do you ever feel like pinning a tail on a donkey?
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If i had a nice car i would be very surprised
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Do not forget why you are here
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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All men are pigs, all women are farmers
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Video of Tim Minchin getting serious about prejudice
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I am getting crazy in here, let me out of this mental institution.
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What do you do when you fall over?
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Individualism is the plague of society
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Public speech entitled, i am a recluse
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Haiku’s can be deeply funny y’all.
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Why is my life so dark and dreary?
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When your mind is racing, wear a helmet
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If only i had accepted that deal
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To avoid getting robbed, lock your doors
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Do not shout at me, i am delicate
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What did the cat say to the carrot?
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Wow, that trucks headlights almost blinded me this afternoon
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I was born with a wooden spoon up my arse
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If life gives you lemons, demand a refund because you ordered limes
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People in love are very good landscapers
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Sometimes bull shit takes over
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Drop me a line, i’m stuck down here
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If you buy your wife the wrong flowers
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A question for the oil companies, Mr oil to be specific
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I understand that you have been talking about me.
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