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Ever heard of the chainsaw healer?
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If i had just one wish i would wish for another one.
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My fish and chips are undercooked, the haddock swam off the plate
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It’s never too late, i mean ask this old codger
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I caught the train but it broke my hand
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I rocked the mic, sorry i will pay to have it repaired
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Book review of the novel titled empty pages
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Mmm, i love drinking coffee before bed
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The problem with locking people up and throwing away the key
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If i had a nice car i would be very surprised
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How to improve your golf swing
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Today i woke up with my eyes wide open, last night i went to sleep with my eyes wide shut
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Do not shout at me, i am delicate
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Opening scene from Team America world police
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I know a great game called 52 card pick up
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I am on the train to nowhere because the bugger broke down
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Rabbits eat vegetables, men eat rabbits
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I think it’s great how trains choo choo
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Wow, the sun is so bright tonight
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Do not forget why you are here
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If you are rich i applaud you, now buy me a drink
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I don’t know what to say, but i’ll say it anyway
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How to have your cake and eat it
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I am getting crazy in here, let me out of this mental institution.
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I am impossible, stop dreaming about me.
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If life gives you lemons, demand a refund because you ordered limes
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Sunrises don’t set, they do if you’re painting them
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What do you say to a woman who is doing her nails?
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If you buy your wife the wrong flowers
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Video of Tim Minchin getting serious about prejudice
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Why is the rum gone, funny pirates remix video
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When people dangle the carrot on the end of the stick they make a mistake, i hate carrots
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets will surely kill me
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Will all of the world leaders follow me please
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How to clean your car properly
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How to deal with bad customers
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The things people do to look cool
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Ever been caught naked on the lawn?
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I wanted to get the word out so i told my friends to keep it secret.
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Someone suggested i take anger management classes, he wont be saying that again
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Cantankerous is an ancient Roman name
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The world makes money go round
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Funny Tracy Morgan interview for time magazine.
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Does a fish swim in the water?
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Lend me your ear, i promise i’ll give it back
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I wanted to see if i could fly so i jumped off the pavement
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They took everything but the shirt off my back
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The server crashed. OMG i hope he’s ok. As you can clearly see, i like to talk.
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All men are pigs, all women are farmers
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My head it just stopped bloody growing
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Peace is hard to find when shit keeps going wrong
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If the prime minister refused to resign would that make him a dictator or an a-hole
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Keep your friends close and your enemies in a little box
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What do you do when you fall over?
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The warrior within failed to show up
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Ok, the powers that be decided that i should only do one liners. So here you go, just one line.
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When half of your hair is sitting on the table You are probably a bit stressed.
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I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me of hypochondria, but didn’t suggest any meds.
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A bit of wisdom from wise ol’ richie
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Proof that footballers don’t have legs
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Pandora’s box is full of Christmas goodies
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Nightmares are a real nightmare
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Lamp that fool, put him into the darkness
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I’d like to tell you a yolk about eggs
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Happy birthday songs are not always happy
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